#667 From S*xless Marriage to Six-Figure Success

What if the very lessons that ended your marriage could become the keys to your success in business?

In this deeply personal and transformative conversation, Xanet Pailet—s*x and intimacy coach, trauma practitioner, and bestselling author—shares how surviving a 26-year s*xless marriage taught her the foundations of emotional connection, leadership, and self-trust that later fueled her six-figure entrepreneurial journey.

Xanet reveals why intimacy and business are more connected than most realise: both require communication, presence, vulnerability, and consistent nourishment. She explores how learning to speak up for her desires helped her become a confident businesswoman, how “foreplay” translates into strategic nurturing, and why embracing feminine energy unlocks creativity and flow.

If you’ve ever felt disconnected—from your passion, your purpose, or your partner—this episode will remind you that healing intimacy can transform how you lead, create, and succeed.

🔗 CONNECT WITH XANET

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/xanet-pailet-2b464671/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/xanetpop

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/xanetpop/

Website: https://www.passionateintimacyretreats.com
Book: https://a.co/d/555SMdf

📌 PROMOTION: https://www.howtoimproveyourlovelife.com

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Transcript

Intro | 00:04
Hosted by Rose Davidson. 

 Rose | 00:10
Do you know that your business, like your relationship, needs to be nurtured and nourished? And if there's not enough foreplay or too much focus on outcome, you will lose precious opportunities for connection and expansion. My next guest is Xanet Pailet, and she is going to discuss with us how we can use our intimacy in our relationships to have better businesses. Now, Xanet is a former healthcare lawyer to turned s*x and intimacy coach. She's a trauma practitioner and a best-selling author of living an orgasmic life, heal yourself and awaken your pleasure. In 2010, she left a 26-year s*xless marriage, went through her own grueling s*xual healing process, and over the past 15 years created a six-figure coaching business, both online and in-person. Five years she passionate intimacy retreats and has facilitated more than 100 couples intimacy at these retreats. She helps committed couples who feel stuck, disconnected or in conflict transform their relationships into ones filled with intimacy, safety, passion and joy. Juno, thank you so much for joining me today. I'm So pleased to meet you. And I'm looking forward to find out how our intimate relationships can help us in business. 

 Xanet | 01:32
Thank you so much, Rose, for having me here and being willing to have this conversation. That's something that's very important to me, because I really believe that when you improve your s*x life, you improve everything else in your life, including your business. 

 Rose | 01:48
And how does that work? How if we improve our s*x life, how can we improve our business? 

 Xanet | 01:54
Well, they're really very integrally related. You know, when I think about where women's power and creativity comes from, it actually comes from our womb space. That really is the center of our creativity and power. And when we connect with that part of ourselves, Not only do we feel better because there's all sorts of endorphins that are running through our body and hormones, and it lowers our cortisol levels, which all helps us be more settled and less stressed. But it allows us to sort of emanate and attract in what we really want to attract in. 
 So I really believe that when women are s*xually empowered and men, But I work primarily with women. So I'll speak to that. When we're s*xually empowered, we're financially empowered as well. I think that our s*xuality, our power, and our prosperity are intricately linked together. 

 Rose | 03:04
That's interesting. How... We know that in business, you know, we get a lot of spam emails. We get a lot of spam messages and, you know, buy my thing before they even get to know us. 
 So 4Plate, in both situations in our s*xual life and in our businesses is quite important. Why do people focus so much on outcome and they lose those opportunities? 

 Xanet | 03:35
Yeah, well, I think we are... Naturally focused on outcome. We're a very goal-oriented society, and that translates both into our intimate life as well as our business, right? 
 So in our intimate life, there's a lot of focus on for women and men on achieving a certain goal. And when we do that, excuse me, it takes us out of our experience, it takes us out of our body. And we miss a lot of the nuances along the way, right, of being able to be on the journey. And really not worry about the destination. And I think that, you know, that translates we see that in business as well. Not to say that we shouldn't have goals. We obviously all need to have goals. But when we focus on the goals, and the outcome without Wow. Hold on. Excuse me. 
 Yeah. Late at night here. Without. Without being able to really be in the process itself and not focus on the process, then we're likely to skip some important steps, right? 
 So, you know, if all I want to do is like get my webinar out and get people signed up for my retreat, I'm missing some of the steps that I need to do in the nurturing process of getting to really work with people, getting them to know me, whether it's through an email sequence or you know, some sort of funnel or I give them a quiz, right? And so that they get to know me and the way I work. And a little slower pace, which I think is should happen in a good s*xual relationship that you should be able to slow down and really get to know your person, your partner, and be able to nurture that relationship without having to worry about the outcome or the goal of whatever your goal happens to. 

 Rose | 05:40
Be. Yeah, I like that analogy too because I, you know, Quite often, you know, we get these things about buy my stuff and they're looking at the outcome of getting more signups and more people, you know, in their proximity, but they don't look at the overall outcome. Nurturing process on before they get to that outcome and you know and it really annoys me that you know people want to come into my network and as soon as we've made a connection they want to sell me something And to me, that's just not the way to do business because they don't know anything about me. They just know what my headline says, either on LinkedIn or Facebook. 
 You know, that they haven't taken the opportunity or the time to get to know what I do so that maybe that we're not a good fit in the first place. 

 Xanet | 06:36
Yeah. And that makes me think like generosity. Right. 
 Like you're more, you know, we're more inclined to work with people who are very generous with their time and give away some of their best content in the nurturing sequence of getting, you know, to know them. And it's the same thing in intimacy, right? 
 Like being generous with your time as well, being, you know, generous with your partner, right? Giving them time to get to know you, getting to explore maybe parts of the body that you haven't explored before, because s*x usually happens so quickly. And we lose a lot of opportunity for very deep connection and intimacy. 

 Rose | 07:20
And we know should know that we are personally responsible for ensuring that our desires are met on a consistent basis. But how do we ask for what we want or what we need, in a business sense because we don't often... Put ourselves out there and ask. 

 Xanet | 07:42
Yeah, and I think that's one of the challenges that a lot of women face, right? Is that we have a hard time asking for what we want. Both in sacks, sometimes because we don't know what we want. And in business. And I think some of that goes to this sort of underlying self-worth wound that I see that a lot of, I'm sure you do as well, that a lot of women experience from just the socialization that we've had from the political system, from the patriarchy, right? All of that combined. And it makes it much harder to, for us to be able to really assess what our worth is and then be able to ask for what we want. And I find that, you know, people leave a lot of money on the table all the time, right? Because we underestimate our value. 

 Rose | 08:42
Yeah, we do. And it's unfortunate that we do have been conditioned in that way. 
 You know, since time immemorial, it's been a thing where women don't. Or have been conditioned not to ask for what they need or what they want because, you know, We told... Don't be greedy. Don't ask for things. You don't deserve it. We're told all these things all the time. Even now in today's world, we shouldn't have to ask for things. 
 You know, they should... I mean, people don't necessarily have to know, but they should have some alignment with how women are programmed, I guess would be for one of a better word. 

 Xanet | 09:33
No. And I think like some of that comes down to, and it's interesting because I've been looking at like the connection between the wounds that women have around money and the wounds that women have around money. 
 So I We all have stories about SACS. Right. We have ways in which we were taught about it, like everything that you just said, you've got to be a good girl. You can't ask for too much. Maybe you're there to service your partner. It's not about your pleasure. And similarly, we all have stories growing up about money. Right. About ways very often in which we were told to play small. Right, not play as big as we possibly could or times when there was not a lot of abundance maybe there was scarcity growing up and all of those stories translate into our own relationship with wealth. And similarly, our own relationship with intimacy and s*x and they're often very similar and very connected. 

 Rose | 10:42
Yeah, I get that it sounds it, you know, silly as it sounds, I get the point that those two things are interconnected in some way and that, you know, if we can lean into our feminine energy and cultivate our creativity we will learn more how to get control and be able to surrender to the things that are good for us. 

 Xanet | 11:10
Yeah, absolutely. 100%. 

 Rose | 11:13
Yeah. So how do we lean into our feminine energy? 
 You know, what steps can we take? 

 Xanet | 11:19
Well, I mean, I always try to get women to start to really connect with their body. That's where I feel like our feminine energy starts, right? And so a lot of times we end up being very disconnected from our body and disconnected from our pleasure. And, you know, to be able to reconnect with yourself. 
 Sometimes you have to do like small things like, you know, maybe you're wearing a pair of G strings because it makes you feel s*xy. Right. Or, you know, we really want to start to ignite. All of the different five senses. 
 So sometimes I'll suggest like, Set yourself a beautiful bath and light some candles and make the atmosphere feel good and have some scented oils and touch yourself in a loving way, right? Just to reconnect with our body and our pleasure, because that's where our feminine power comes from. 
 So we really can't connect with that feminine power until we're really connected with our body and, you know, with our pleasure as well. So I like to start there. 
 And then there are other, you know, other things you could do some breath work, some breathing exercises, where you start to actually connect with your s*xual centers and your s*xual energy. But, you know, I think it's a lot of self work, it's meditation. And it's reconnecting with your body and reconnecting with your pleasure. 
 Orgasms are very important in terms of connecting with your feminine power. 

 Rose | 13:09
Yeah, I was quite old when I first had mine. 

 Xanet | 13:15
Me too. I bet I was older than you. 

 Rose | 13:22
But yeah, I get that women are still you know trying to reach that glass ceiling and you know pushing and nothing seems to work. And I don't understand in this modern era why that's still happening. 
 I mean, why the patriarchy has decided that we should are not as worthy as the rest of the population, to me, it beggars belief because, you know, Women have been trying since forever to be treated as equals. And we can work and think and do all the things that men can do. But you know, men don't, you know, say it that way. I won't say all men, a great majority of them, you know, still treat women as second class citizens. And I don't understand why. 

 Xanet | 14:22
Well, I do. We're a threat. 

 Xanet | 14:27
Mean, if the feminine rises. Right? Then the patriarchy starts to crumble. 
 So I think that, you know, the patriarchy, you know, in the big generic term, the patriarchy sees women as a threat to their power. And, you know, here in the US, I don't know what it's like, you're in Australia, right? New Australia. 

 Rose | 14:49
Zealand? Now in Australia. 

 Xanet | 14:52
So I don't know what it's like in Australia, but here in the U.S., right, like we're going way backwards. Like they want to go back to, you know, the man is the head of the household and actually gets to have the vote, you know, in our elections. Right. 
 Like absolutely crazy stuff that goes back to the 1800s when women were chattel and property. Right. But I think that's the reality is that powerful women can be very threatening to the patriarch. And yes, there are some powerful men who are very happy having a powerful woman at their side. But I think The system isn't and the system doesn't. 

 Rose | 15:31
Yeah, I think the system's terribly broken. 

 Xanet | 15:34
I think how differently women would run the world. I mean. 

 Rose | 15:38
Yes, absolutely. Yes, absolutely. Yes. That would be my greatest hope that every country is run by a woman and, And, yeah, I think the world will be more empathetic and there wouldn't be so much turmoil going on. 

 Xanet | 15:55
Exactly. 

 Rose | 15:58
Yeah. If you want to. Reach out to Janae. You can find her on LinkedIn and you can find her on Facebook, Instagram and on her website. Passionate intimacy retreats.com. And she has a book. That you're promoting. 
 So tell me a little bit about the book, what's in it and where we can find it. 

 Xanet | 16:21
Yeah, so I have a new book that's just coming out. It's called the s*x and intimacy repair kit. It is geared for couples. To help them learn how to reconnect on an emotional level, to repair past conflicts and hurts. And reconnect on a s*xual level as well. And it, I don't know when we're airing, but. But I know that it can be pre-ordered right now. And my recommendation is to get a copy of it, to connect with me, is to go to, I have a lovely little free gift for all of your guests, which is how to improve your love life. It's seven, three minute, very short videos with very specific tips. Female centric and you can find that at how at the website how to improve mylovelife.com how to improve mylovelife.com. 

 Rose | 17:27
Wonderful yes i can say that just say thank you it'll be in the show notes so you know if you missed misgenize talk about the how to improve your love life.com. Yes, it'll be in the show notes. And please remember to click on that link and get your free gift from her. Xanet, it's been an absolute pleasure. Thank you so much for joining me today. I learned a little bit about how s*x and business can be interrelated. 

 Xanet | 17:59
Awesome. I'm glad to hear that. I enjoyed the conversation. Thanks for inviting me. 

 Rose | 18:03
On. Bye-bye for now. Bye. 

 Outro | 18:07
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